Skip to main content

Giving Back to God Earnestly Although We Are Beyond the Ruins

Hey there! 👋 Check out this logo – it's sure to give you a little mood boost while you're reading. Thanks for stopping by! 
👉👉👉 

Happy New Year 2025 to me!

I never expected I would go this far, especially writing my thoughts back in this online journal. I just checked my recent list of writings and found out that there were 3 drafts that had never been published. It also showed that my last writing was written in 2023. I missed 2024 completely!

2024 was a surprising year for my husband and me. It wasn't dreadful, but rather a year full of upheavals. By God's grace and will, we were able to navigate these challenges gracefully, like dancing through a storm. This was possible only because we chose to follow God's guidance and live according to His rules and ways.

Many things happened in 2024 and in previous years as well, but all those years were ultimately great. Unexpected events occurred, but in the end, we understood that they were meant to happen for our good, as beautifully written in Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

When we moved to Jakarta in December 2022, I wasn't okay. I felt a deep sadness within me. Compared to Yogyakarta and Pontianak, Malang was more than just a hometown to me: I gave birth to both of my sons there. Malang was the first city I truly felt was perfect for me – excellent cuisine, a great place to raise a family, friendly people, a beautiful environment, high-quality education, and pleasant weather. Good God! I'm still crying as I type this. To be honest, I don't know why I'm still crying!

December 10th, 2020 was the day we left Malang for good. I drove my car to Surabaya with my sons in the back, and they cried loudly. I couldn't hold back my tears. They continued to flow as the car slowly drove away and the house we had lived in for eight years finally disappeared from sight. I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to spend eight years in Malang, for all the wonderful memories and lessons I learned. I realize that the feeling will never be the same if I return to Malang. I never told anyone that I was devastated mentally, physically, and perhaps spiritually. I felt like I was beyond repair. I had no idea how to live steadfastly in Jakarta, a city I loathed the most.

Moving Forward and Giving Back to God

The years ahead felt heavy on me, overwhelming me with dread. 2023 was a year of uncertainties for me. My mother-in-law invited me to join the choir at GKPO Halim Perdana Kusuma, the church where we would later become fully engaged. While raising my children, I was also active in church communities while still promoting and advertising my online products. Serving in the church kept me quite busy. GKPO encouraged me to improve my talents in worship and praising God through singing. I participated in workshops on how to lead the choir. I admit that serving God brought me great joy. I found peace in Him.

In 2024, the most unexpected thing happened in our lives as husband and wife: we both got the opportunity to pursue our master's degrees. My husband is now pursuing his master's program at UKI (Universitas Kristen Indonesia). Meanwhile, I am now studying at UNHAN (Universitas Pertahanan) on a full scholarship.

The idea of getting a scholarship never even crossed my mind. I was not young anymore (I was 36 years old when I was accepted), and I had no significant academic achievements to be proud of. There are two main reasons why I truly wanted to pursue my master's degree: Firstly, I believe that education has a significant impact on creating "change" or a "shift" in our minds. Once our minds change, it will also lead to different actions, different ways of speaking, different ways of thinking, and much more. This will ultimately lead to new solutions to any problems we may encounter in our life. Secondly, being an educator has been a childhood dream of mine. It's not because I think I am a good teacher, but rather because I believe I can also practice and transfer my knowledge to others, and I can also receive feedback and improve myself.

Lately, I've started to think differently. There must be good reasons why our family had to move to Jakarta. I repeatedly asked God for answers. Although He may not have answered me audibly, I believe it's becoming clear that He wants me and my entire family to give back to God in terms of time, money, energy, intelligence, family, sorrows, loves, things that undermine us, everything we have or anything that burdens us. He wants us to surrender to Him completely and earnestly. He granted me things I had wished for a long time ago, but now in His perfect time. He wants me (and perhaps you who are reading this) to experience His presence while enjoying the things we want or need, or while dealing with the things we are pursuing. We only need to stay on His path, follow His guidance, and never turn away from Him.

New Year, New Us

So, this year is different! My husband and I decided to make resolutions together. I will not list them here; we will keep the list to ourselves. I simply want to emphasize that giving back to God does not mean He wants us to repay Him. It's more like He wants us to be a child who leans on His father, to ask Him first, to let Him know first about everything, even when we are at our worst.

God loves us. He always sees us as perfect and beautiful, even when we think we are just like crumbs or in ruins. - YMS.











Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It’s Always God: Through Change and Growth

Unstoppable gratitude, these are the two words that define 2025, and probably 2026 and many years ahead. When I look back at early 2025, so many meaningful things happened. The second semester at UNHAN began. My children turned 10 and 8. We celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary, and my husband and I both turned 37. Many beautiful moments filled our days. Besides the ups, we also faced some downs. As a couple, we learned how to reconcile and find our rhythm again. We are constantly learning to manage our shortcomings so that the system we have built—our family—can keep working and growing. The second half of 2025 brought quite drastic changes. My husband moved to a different division at work, and we moved into our panggon , our new home in Halim Perdanakusuma. Our children advanced to years 5 and 3. I was no longer in my second semester at UNHAN, but I was trusted to serve as a Master of Ceremony and moderator for several UNHAN events. I also traveled to Pontianak for a few days with ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The House That Carried Us Forward

I don’t think I’ve ever written about the government housing provided by the Air Force where we’re currently living. We’ve been here for almost half a year now—since June, to be exact. I still remember the day we left Malang for Jakarta: the kids and I ended up crying together. Strangely enough, that move also happened in December, as if the month itself always carries a bittersweet turning of seasons for our family. But life moves forward, and so must we. Our first home in Jakarta was in Lubang Buaya—a small house, roughly 108 square metres, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. My mother-in-law had lived there ever since I married her son in 2014. My husband and I bought the house using a mix of our parents’ support. Technically, we still owe my parents the remaining balance. Lol. After living in Jakarta for about two and a half years, we decided to move into what we call the Panggon , or rumah dinas—a service house provided by TNI AU. Since it isn’t a Rumah Jabatan < Official Re...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pilih(an)

Konon, menulis jurnal adalah bagian dari proses penyembuhan. Saya mengangguk setuju. Menulis jurnal , bukan menumpahkan emosi lewat status WhatsApp sambil berharap semesta ikut marah hanya karena hati kita sedang seret. Ada jurang lebar antara refleksi batin dan pamer luka di ruang publik, meski banyak yang mengacaukannya. Awalnya saya enggan menyinggung hal ini. Namun, hidup sering bercanda—niat saya membahas hal lain langsung terpelintir hanya karena saya menanggapi sebuah status WA. Rupanya respons saya tidak bertaut dengan ekspektasinya. Jadilah ia bereaksi—riuh, garang, seperti hendak menerkam sesuatu yang bahkan bukan ancaman. Saya hanya tersenyum tipis. Mungkin saya memang salah frekuensi. Ternyata, memberi perhatian pun bisa dianggap provokasi oleh orang yang sedang tidak selaras gelombang batinnya. Dan ya, mungkin energi saya sedang terlalu lincah; spontanitas saya memercik, lalu memicu dinamika yang membuat saya menghela napas dan membatin, “Ya ampun… ups .” Saya tak henda...
Post a Comment
Read more