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The Beginning

Today was my first day writing my own daily life back again after I decided not to write or even to post anything on my blog anymore. My old blog was totally about my past: happiness and sadness were written there. And if you happen to read my old writings, you are gonna find my life was kind of perplexing. 

 Well, my sister is right about one thing that I should write everything back again, because writing is my nature. Writing is an essential part of my life. It’s already united within me. I should have thanked her after she born. Because, she is the second woman who knows me better after my Mom. Thanks for being a reminder, Sista!

 Hm, what am I about to say? [I am a bit nervous to put my feelings and my thoughts down here. I am not get used to it anymore.]
Okay, allow me to start this writing by questioning myself : What does New Year mean to me?

New year?




What does it mean? Is it new resolutions? New life? New habit? New friends? New life-style? It depends on yourself to define it. To myself, new year –especially this one and only year- means a new status. I am not in single status. I am also not in “in relationship”status anymore, but I am married-soon-to-be. This year, I am about to have a very brand new life: new friends, new surrounding, new place to live, new life-style, new responsibilities, and hopefully the other good ‘news’.

The thought of getting married and giving birth never crossed on my mind before. I still remembered one of my writings on my old blog written: “I am a commitment-phobia. I never planned to get married and raise kids. Although I like to be in relationship with men (it’s not man, lads. It’s MEN)  and I enjoy it, it does not mean I want to be committed with a man for the rest of my life. Period.” [I wish I could erase my memories that I ever wrote those lines. But, I could not! Now, I am feeling like I have been slapped on my face for many times].

RS is a very big-hearted man. [I used to call RS-my fiance- Abang not because he’s older than me, but because I appreciate him as the head in our future family, a protector of our own future family, and he will be the leader and also a decision-maker in our future family. Abang and I are same age, FYI]. 

 Abang has changed me much. Correction. Abang is one of very reasons why I finally changed. No, he did not give any doctrine. The one and only thing he did to me is giving me understanding. He shared his point of views on everything with me. 

I still remembered the question my parents giving me after I decided to take him as my beloved hubby-soon-to-be.

  “What makes him so special so you have made your own decision to be married by him?” 

 I smiled and told my mom and my dad also, that I saw myself in his eyes. I saw myself in his attitude, in the way he smiled I see myself smiling, in his deep crying I also myself crying. When he hurts, I feel the pain. Yea, there was a time I really want to run away from him.[I love running away and ruining things when the things are right.] I wanted to stop loving him and go finding any man else, because I realized if I decided to be still with him, it would cause me more trouble. I was a trouble-maker at that moment, and I did not want to add another trouble-maker in my sorrow life. 

 But, I stand still beside him until know. 

 Why? I did not know at the first time. But, now I know why. It’s merely because of GOD.
HE did not want me to do mistakes back again.
HE made me still, and HE made Abang still stands beside me.
HE made we met very beautifully in HIS right time to help and to love one to another.

Do I sound religious? Hahaha. Being religious is never my thingy, but being more spiritualist is my goal.

Anyhoo, too much writing for the first posting right? I guess it is enough for today. I’ll be back with another writings. 

Keep smiling and get lot crazier, Jojo! [I miss this calling, anyway]

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